A YOUNG WOMAN WALKS INTO HER SEX THERAPIST'S OFFICE, AND TELLS THE THERAPIST
HER HUSBAND ISN'T A VERY GOOD LOVER, AND THEY NEVER HAVE INTIMATE RELATIONS ANYMORE. AND ASKS HOW TO CORRECT THIS PROBLEM.
THE THERAPIST TELLS HER THAT SHE HAS AN EXPERIMENTAL DRUG THAT MIGHT DO THE TRICK. SHE TELLS THE WOMAN TO GIVE HER HUSBAND
1 PILL THAT NIGHT, AND COME BACK IN THE MORNING AND TELL HER WHAT HAPPENED.
THE NEXT DAY THE WOMAN RETURNS, AND ECSTATICALLY TELLS THE THERAPIST THAT THE
PILL WORKED, AND IT WAS THE BEST SESSION OF LOVE MAKING SHE HAD EVER HAD. THE WOMAN THEN ASKS WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF SHE GAVE
HER HUSBAND TWO PILLS. THE THERAPIST SAYS SHE'S NOT SURE BUT TO TRY IT, AND COME BACK AND RELAY WHAT HAPPENS. THE NEXT DAY
THE SAME THING HAPPENS, WITH THE WOMAN STATING IT WAS EVEN BETTER THAN THE NIGHT BEFORE. SO SHE ASKS WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF
SHE GAVE HER HUSBAND FIVE PILLS. THE THERAPIST TELLS HER SHE IS NOT SURE, BUT TRY IT AND COME BACK, AND RELAY TO ME WHAT HAPPENS.
THE NEXT DAY THE WOMAN COMES IN LIMP, BUT HAPPY. SHE TELLS THE THERAPIST, IT
JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER, AND ASKS WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF SHE GAVE HER HUSBAND THE REST OF THE BOTTLE? THE THERAPIST SAYS,
"I DON'T KNOW IT'S EXPERIMENTAL, AND DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A WHOLE BOTTLE WOULD DO TO A PERSON. THE WOMAN GOES HOME AND PUTS THE
REST OF THE BOTTLE OF PILLS IN HER HUSBANDS MORNING COFFEE.
A WEEK LATER, A BOY WALKS INTO THE THERAPIST'S OFFICE AND SAYS, "ARE YOU THE
ONE WHO GAVE MY MOTHER THE BOTTLE OF EXPERIMENTAL PILLS? "WHY, YES, YOUNG MAN, I DID. WHY?" "WELL, MOM'S DEAD, MY SISTER'S
PREGNANT, MY ASS IS KILLING ME, AND DAD'S RUNNING AROUND THE HOUSE YELLING "HERE, KITTY, KITTY."
NOW BACK TO
FUN WITH ANIMALS
WHAT HAS FOUR LEGS AND AN ARM?
A HAPPY PITBULL...
WHAT DO YOU CALL A COW WITH TWO LEGS?
LEAN BEEF...
WHAT DO YOU CALL A COW WITH NO LEGS?
GROUND BEEF...
AS A TRIBUTE TO THE ULTIMATE BASSIST, ACTION JACKSON, WE WILL KEEP THIS ONE POSTED
WHILE SETTING UP AT THE BAR ONE NIGHT, THE GUITARIST STUMBLES IN FROM THE NIGHT
BEFORE. HE HAS THE HEADACHE OF ALL HEADACHES. AFTER 15 MINUTES OF INTENSE PERCUSSION POUNDING FROM THE DRUM RISER,
HE RUNS UP TO THE DRUM RISER. AND SCREAMS "CAN YOU STOP PLAYING YOUR DRUMS, THEY'RE IN TUNE ALREADY!" THE PERCUSSIONIST
LOOKS OUT AND SAYS, "CAN'T BAD THINGS HAPPEN IF I DO." THE GUITARIST, AT HIS WITS END, THEN ASKS, "WHAT BAD COULD COME FROM
IT IF THE DRUMS STOPPED?" AS THE PERCUSSIONIST'S FACE GREW FULL OF FEAR, HE SAID...
"WHEN THE DRUMS STOP, BASS SOLO BEGINS."
THIS JUST IN...
WHAT HAS LITTLE BALLS, AND SCREWS OLD LADIES?
A BINGO MACHINE...
AND JUST BECAUSE WE THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY...
WHAT HAS TWO LEGS, AND BLEEDS?
HALF A DOG...
